Remember to rest not quit

And I have now rested, and I will not quit.

When I was an undergraduate at Michigan State University, I was lucky enough to have a single in Olin Hall, a dormitory occupied by grad students and a few lucky honors college kids like me. Living in a single meant I had basically ~2m x ~5m that I could decorate and cram with books and fish to my heart’s delight. It also meant I had the freedom to redo anything and everything at any time. The guy I was dating learned that if he came in and I was rearranging things, he should just ask what needed to be moved and shut up; he knew I’d talk once I’d moved enough objects to satisfy my lizard brain.

There is not enough stuff in my rambling old house to satisfy the lizard brain voices screaming in my head.

Like so many of you, the events since the election have caused me a lot of anguish. I have seen a friend commit suicide because, as a trans woman, she didn’t see the US as a nation that could support her as she faced unemployment due to disability. That moment brought home to me that we are going to lose lives as people lose hope. I’m just a science writer. I am not someone who has the connections or the wealth to help all the people who need help. I am just one voice, and while I want to use my voice to fix this world, I’m still just one voice. I know I have a platform to stand on, and I hope I and this soap box can help increase the good. And I’m going to try to increase the good. It’s just…

I am tired, as so many of us are so very tired. And being tired is ok.

As a sticker on my planner reminds me every single day, “If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.” (This is a Banksy quote, btw.)

My coffee-marked desk reminds you to “choose hope” and remember, “If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.” The stickers on my planner are from Redbubble and are Banksy art. The mug was a gift.

I need to start focusing on what I can do. I’m calling my congress critters at least once a week with an unrealized goal of once a day. I’m posting one good thing folks can support each day, and I’m looking for voices to lift up and ways to use my voice to provide courage and strength - or at least reminders to rest. I need to get back to exercising/killing zombies in VR. And I have got to get back in the habit of writing.

And getting back to writing is where I am struggling.

My lizard brain has been screaming DANGER DANGER DANGER like the robot from Lost in Space (the B&W OG version) because the story I started writing months ago was a deep dive into SpaceX’s facilities in Boca Chica, Starship, and the environmental and other legal issues that surround those topics. My lizard brain firmly believes that reporting on various agency actions, legal filings from various entities, and other facts will cause professional problems. And while the rational and moral parts of my brain would like you to know, I have demonstrated I am generically willing to pay whatever cost is necessary to speak the truth and do what is right,* my lizard brain is still sitting in the corner screaming really fucking loudly. I used to love lizards.

Proof I have loved lizards. This is Izzy and Grif, the 2 pet iguanas I had throughout college and rehomed with a family when I moved to Wisconsin for work. They were used to a large outside volume to roam, and that wasn’t something Wisconsin could offer. I miss them. They had many more good years and lived long, happy lives.

So, I am going to put things out into the universe so the universe can hold me accountable (Hi - you are part of the universe): before Monday (and hopefully tomorrow), I am going to post an archive of the documents we scientists have so far had to react to from the White House, NSF, NASA, and other entities, and I will document how this is playing out in what we are experiencing. This is going to be a record-keeping exercise that I plan to maintain, and it is likely to be just one of several different ones I slowly start to curate.

I need to catch up on all my CosmoQuest-related work, including putting together our next podcast and newsletter (not in that order). Hey, are you subscribed to Escape Velocity Space News (EVSN) on your favorite podcast player? You should be!

And then…

I’m going to force myself to write that piece on Boca Chica and StarShip.

And it is going to happen. And I will be afraid of the fallout.

But if I am going to say I’m a journalist, I need to write the stories that scare me as well as the ones that delight me.

And then I’m going to write about why AI is not the answer to everything and it is especially not the answer to quality podcasting, because sometimes you also just have to be like, “Hey, you guys, YOU GUYS. Stop. Just stop it and listen a sec.”

I have rested.

And I will not quit.

When possible, may I recommend resting under a dog. This is Eddie. He is a very good boy.

* I have already survived one lawsuit for speaking the truth and working with a congresswoman, so there is both proof of concept and PTSD around this statement